Oh Dear God, you're beautiful.

Friday, December 19, 2008

if you read this whole thing, i will give you a bag of starbursts or something

I am content.
There is turmoil boiling (turmoil has to be in the same sentence as boiling, it would be wrong without it). For once, I really don't know what to do about it, nor do I know what to do with myself. A decision was made, but it still feels sort of undecided.
But that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the pain of everyone else. I am not as emotionally unstable right now as I have been in the past month or so. I'm careful for myself but right now my stability is not what is concerning me. I want everyone to be happy, I want my best friends to stay my best friends, I do not want relationships incinerated because of misunderstandings. Or because of anything else, for that matter.
God, how very cliche of me, but I believe it. All you need is love. Cue "bu-ba-ba-da-da-da".
This morning driving up to the mountain with my father we listened to Rubber Soul, my all-time favorite Beatles album. It was nice. We didn't argue, we didn't sit silently in our mutual pouty pigheadedness. We talked about Ringo Starr and Courtney Andrews and how my father was in a band with his brother and his would-be brother in high school. We sang Michelle together and opened the sun roof and froze our asses off. We got to Crystal and had the normal first-day-up problems with our ski boots and, as per usual, I left him in my dust. (: It's a running joke.
I'm excited for when my brother comes up to ski. He raced as well, so we get to go fast together, stupidly fast, but we're always in control. Trained that way. We get to stop after two runs to get hot chocolate then go out and tumble down powder bowls. I used to be scared of really deep powder; I was afraid I'd get stuck and wouldn't be able to get out. This has happened to me numerous times in my lifetime, but when I was left behind by my little race group in sixth grade I realized I had to suck it up and learn how to ski properly. So I did, and I feel all the much better for it.

Moving on.
Inkheart has always had a very special place in my heart. Inkheart, the book by Cornelia Funke. I read it in 2003 when it came out and have loved it since. It's amazing, I thought, how the characters in the books stay the same age while I grow older and mature. The more I read the book as I get older, the more interesting it gets. I'm able to analyze it better now than when I was nine or so in 2003, but it's still able to make me look at it with the same "child-like wonder" I always did. (Thanks, Ms. Palin.) Also, I thought it would be the coolest thing in the world to be able to read things and make them come to life. I tried. It didn't work. It was fun imagining, though.
There's this quote in it that I like now that I didn't really think about when I was nine.
Some books should be tasted
some devoured,
but only a few
should be chewed and digested thoroughly

I thought that was awesome.
ALSO, I was just watching Kung-Fu Panda and the wise turtle said "Tomorrow is a mystery, yesterday is history, but today is a gift; that's why the call it the present."
AWESOME.

Right now I'm sitting here listening to Dean Martin and talking to Colleen and Miles. Well, texting them. Colleen is watching Mama Mia, which we plan to watch/sing together when either of us visits the other next. Wow...it's been almost seven full months since I visited her in Illinois. Holy crap. Best four-day weekend of my life. We watched Rocky Horror at midnight in the hotel hallway; a fancypants lady tripped over the portable DVD player cord and two adorable gay guys were raucousing around in their room. "I'LL BE LIKE...A HIPPIE, AND PEE IN A BUCKET."
Miles has a yellow VW van. He carted me around in it once on Halloween. I don't remember that very well. I do remember that he was like...a jester, and had a strategically placed bauble on his front. I wanted to touch the bauble because it was rainbow, but Preston hit my hand and told me that I would be molesting Miles if I did so. But Miles let me and it made my life. I didn't touch anything. There was no public indecency involved. Har.
Anyway.

You're nobody till somebody loves you So find yourself somebody to love

That's horrible! Way to make people feel bad about themselves, Dean Martin.

como e bella ce la luna brille e strette strette como e tutta bella a passeggiare sotto il cielo di roma

Can I just say how much I miss Rome. My dad and I were also talking about this in the car this morning. Rome was my favorite place because we lived there the longest. A year and a half, man. I made friends, connections, memories, that I will never forget. I mean, little things, too. Like...there was a cat sanctuary where my friend Belle and I went one afternoon because it was rainy and we couldn't concentrate on homework. My parents had bought a cheap Subaru and had it shipped to England, where we drove it back to Rome. It's still there, in the Valentini family's garage. My mom drove me to the marina Belle's boat, Aventura, was docked, we had a delicious snack of crackers, and we drove to the center of Rome, where the sanctuary was. It was actually in the Forum, where Caesar was killed...a bunch of 2000 year old columns and walls converted into a cat pound. Belle and I cleaned the kitties and fed them and snuggled with them. It was amazing. I'd forgotten about that until just now.
There was a restaurant in the boat yard where we kept the boat when my father had to go back to the States. It had the best "ice cream of the day"...except they didn't change it every day. I think they just wanted to say something in English. It was a scoop of vanilla ice cream in half a canteloupe and smothered in honeydew melon. Weirdest ever, but delicious, especially on those days were it was rainy but like 100 degrees.
Okay, no more stories.
Except, stories are really the only things I have to offer.

I smell like cigarettes but I haven't been smoking.
I just showered.
Actually. I smell like Preston's car. A mixture of cigarettes, pot, and sometimes honeydew-lime lotion. Weird.

I've been thinking about all of this stuff, it's been accumulating in my mind so I can blast it out in a blog post. I'm glad I remembered it all! (:
I have to get to sleep. I'm training tomorrow, and now that I'm in the senior year of ski racing, I have to get there earlier and set up courses earlier and work harder and put up with people I can't stand way earlier in the morning.
It's alright though, it's worth it. This will be my last year of ski racing because it's so goddamn expensive, and I'm ready to open up the weekends in my life. I'm ready to stop competing. This will be a good last year.
Poor McKenna though. There are not many of her ski friends left on the team. She is the most dedicated, hard-working, positive, upbeat person I have met in my life...skiing is her passion and by God she will get to the junior olympics if it costs her her grades.
Except not. She still manages to get straight-A's while being in FIS world cup racing. That means that she's getting points for professional racing, already.
Holy crap, she's Superwoman.
I love that girl.

I love everyone. I love my mom and I love Alexa and I love Mykaila and I love Elly and I love Xanda and I love Taylor Du and I love Taylor De and I love Shanti Williams and I love Grace Lacy-Hansell and I love Kay Savage and I love Judi and I love Rapheal and I love Pilar and I love Chanin and I love Jude and I love Jordan Savage and I love Zach Warrender and I love Miles Taylor and I love Colleen Bailey and I love Reland Tuomi and I love Bridget Rafferty and I love Ann Gilbert and I love the bucket guy on 4th and Pike? And I love my grandparents and I love Landon Price and I love Ryan Burnham and I love Tyler Davis and I love Mark McDonough and I love Teddy Pickard and I love Joey Stead and I love Janelle Neil and I love Heather Mirczak and I love Billie Joe Armstrong and I love Gerard Way and I love Bonnie Raitt and I love Pinky and I love Peewee and I love Donnie and I love Darren and I love Shannon and I love BoyShannon and I love Sarah and I love Amy and I love Sissy and I love Maggi and I love Mark and I love Jesse and I love Ceci and I love Virginia and I love Jeff and I love McKenna and I love Camila and I love Morgan and I love Nikita and I love Allison and I love Abby and I love Lou! and I love you, Jose, even though I said I hate you I don't, I really don't, I love the grandfather I never met and I love Mountain Chief for giving me my heritage and I love Marisol and I love Ileana and I love Eileen and I love Maureen and I love the FR class of 2011 and 2010 and 2012 and 2009 and I love Lilly Mudrovich and I love Sarah Grove and I love Preston and I love Britt Cook and I love Haley Meier and I love Maggie Lehr and I love Cynthia for everything she ever did for me, for making me stronger, for telling me I had tapeworms. I love Jessi Mathisen and I love Hannah Brown and I love Amanda Steinvall and I love Kat Burgess and I love Kirsten Lacist and I love Auri Mathisen and I love Jomeka and I love Vic Zinsley and I love Walt and I love Deva and I love Alan and I love Gretchen Price, you are a goddess, I admire your strength. And I love Gretchen Tuomi thank you for being my second mother. I love Linda I love Tom and I love John I don't remember your last name but I loved you, I love Juan Barco and I love Danielle Bader and I love Sylvia Salveson and I love the guy who did Reland and my caricature in Disneyland in 6th grade. I love Sandra Valentini and I love Renato and I love Belle and I love Bill and Shirley and I love Christopher, my first boyfriend from Kent, England and I love Ochanya I miss you and I love Orlando Bloom and I love Jefferey Price rest in peace and I love Shireen and I love Sean Anderson and I love Laura Grace Beckerman and I love Kelsey Monson and I love Shelby Anderson and I love Segall and I love Bekka Cohn and I love Amanda Klug and I love Katherine Fransisco and I love Brian do you still talk to aliens? I love Rick the peanut guy and Jay Buener thank you for being concerned of my head when I was a baby and I love and I love and I love and I love you everyone who has helped me in my life and I love everyone who has made my life a living hell thank you thank you thank you everyone for loving me for hating me for haunting me for getting to know me for not knowing me at all for judging me for listening to me for kissing me for hugging me for not judging me for cussing me out for letting me cuss you out for giving your all to me for breaking my heart for making my life brighter every single time I see you, you have all made me a better person thank you thank you THANK YOU.
If I forgot you, I sure as hell didn't mean to. I love you. :)

I figured out why I smell like Preston's car. I haven't worn the hoodie I'm wearing now since I drove his car. That was about, if not more than, a month ago. I should wash this.

Goodnight.

6 comments:

Elly said...

I freaking love that Dean Martin song, no matter how much it depresses me.

Mykaila said...

Read it all.

Now you owe me another bag of starbursts.

You know, the empty bag that once contained the first starbursts you gave me is on my current bulletin board.

[SIDE NOTE: I freaking hate that bulletin board, it is so low-quality (everything falls off... rude). I love the things on it... but I hate the board itself.]

Taylor said...

I love your stories Olivia! Tell me more! :)

Morgan said...

I read it all
also you love Maggie twice

and I like your stories oooh! we should have a tell stories and drink hot chocolate party sometime

good luck racing! tell McKenna the same for me :) and you have my full sympathy with the whole no weekends and getting up disgustingly early buisness

Olivia said...

Elly - it's a good song!

Mykaila - you got it, baby. I wondered if that bag was ours.

Taylor - (: Just get me started.

Morgan - I love Maggie Lehr and I love Maggi my sister (minus the e)

Anonymous said...

Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!