fantastic posing greed

I already posted everything I need to, accidentally, on Public Indecency, and am too lazy to transfer them.

Today's a good day. The sun's out and my room is being cleaned.
I woke up and apologized to Kay for being a bitch, not expecting an apology back. But I got one. I fought with my father, didn't resolve anything, but wrote my heart out and that seemed to help. I listened to Marvin Gaye all night last night (p.s. it snowed six inches overnight. WHAT THE FUCK?) and Jack Johnson and Bob Marley when I woke up. Now Panic(!) at the Disco while cleaning. Texting Camila in Spanish and Mykaila in English. Colleen and I both happen to be cleaning, and we both found our free Build-A-Bear totes from when I visited. I started crying, in a good way, which is weird because I don't do that often, and certainly don't think of it well.
I think I'll take a walk when I'm done.
I'm kind of hungry, but there is nothing in my house to suit my needs.
Also, last night I went on a walk and called Elly and left a message. I realized this morning that I had gone all day yesterday thinking it was Sunday and that I'd be going to school today, and that I'd said "see you tomorrow" or something. Oops. Story of my life.

I love you. I hope your Sunday is going well. Whoever you are. :)

is this love that i'm feeling?

I just got the most irreplaceable feeling ever.
Today's juju was great. I'm listening to Kings of Leon and Jack Johnson and doing my chemistry homework (WHICH I UNDERSTAND WITHOUT ANYONE SPOON FEEDING TO ME). I'm composing a message back to Elly, but I got this feeling that I couldn't let go by undocumented. Like this feeling of irrevocable calm.
Fucking ironic how everyone around me blows up just as I calm down. This isn't the first time. But I love them. I know that they can get through their hardships. I hope they know I will do everything humanly possible to support them.
In the words of the wise Bobby McFerrin (and Bob Marley), "I give you my phone number, when you're worried, call me, I make you happy. Don't worry, be happy."
Shit goes wrong, but it gets better. You can always plow through it.

I love you, all of you. I love you, everyone who reads this. :)
I always will. (And that's not just influenced by the feelgood music.)

I hope you have a good night.

Do you belong to a song?
Does it drag you along by the tongue at the top of your lungs?
Are you drunk?
Have you been drinking?
Do you below the overpass go with a fifth in your fist
reminiscing the kiss of a love that just didn't love as much as you did?

Please don't give up, dear walls
don't let the ceiling fall
when you belong to a song, salty eyes,
You belong.

Shrill notes begin, the grim violin
then from the silence a violence of sirens orchestrate the score
to which one more corpse is left quiet
How we become the hollows of drums
the rests between notes, the hollers that never reach throats
"friends" in quotes, they're not calling

Please don't give up, dear you
I'm but the sliver moon sliding through
when you belong to a song, salty eyes,
You belong.

Do please believe, however naive
let it drag you along by the tongue at the top of your lungs
and belong, salty eyes

When you belong to a song, salty eyes,
You belong.

WANT

Remember to smile today.

how i wish i could choose between heaven and hell

Dear Preston,
I'm happy for you. :)
Love,
Olivia

Yesterday was cool. I hung out with Kay and her new Mormon boyfriend Kyle. I'm happy for them, they're really sweet together. Watched Moulin Rouge later that night; bad idea. I sobbed pretty much the entire time, haha. Then Robocop.
Today was lovely. I skied most of the day with my father and we found Ellen from CA (who now goes to FR) and her mother, Claudia. I saw McKenna and Karyn and Amanda! And Travis and Ali. I missed Ali, poor girlie.
Took a shower, got dressed HOLY SHIT I BOUGHT THE MOST AMAZING SKI JACKET FOR 70% OFF. $55!

Win.

Okay.
I don't really feel like pouring everything out into a blog post right now. I have a lot going through my head and I know who's reading this. So I guess I'll talk to you about it.

I love you.

walking after midnight, out in the moonlight

Dear Mr. Jonas Stone,

I try to see you as often as I can. Thank you.

Love,
Olivia

and now i'm ready to be extraordinary.

Things are looking up. I've said this before, but I'm starting to believe it now. Do you ever get that? Where things aren't necessarily great at the moment, but there's still this undeniable sense of optimism? It's not even sunny, I'm sick, and I'm still grounded, so it's not just the outside things. Maybe it's something within myself. Mykaila and Grace were talking about being sentimental a couple of days ago. I wondered if maybe I'd mistaken a lapse in sentimentality for shallowness. Because I know, I feel that I still have the capacity. I guess I just don't have a whole lot to say. Don't hold it against me?
I mean, you don't need to be sentimental to be a person. I just felt like I was missing something naturally inside me, but now that I've identified it, maybe it will be returning soon.
I mean, this is the third trimester of my sophomore year. How insane is that? Seventh grade feels like yesterday. The warm cloudy evenings of August 2005 (2005!!), our screams of "SHITHOLE!" with complete abandon, the Rockstars and buckets of cookie dough. The best times of my life so far, and they feel like yesterday. I suppose now could be the best times of my life as well, if I make them so. I didn't have to try then. Maybe I don't have to try now. I have so, so very much that I love in my life, so so so much that dwarfs the bad. Maybe I haven't realized it fully yet.
But, you know, it'll happen, eventually.
This school year will be over within nine weeks or so, and then off Mykaila and I go to South Africa! WHOA. South Africa! Last night at the "college chat," Ms. Bernstein was talking about community service projects outside of school, and my mind immediately jumped to South Africa. I have a feeling it won't just be a community service project, though. I don't know what else it would be, because that's what it is basically, but you don't go on a month trip to South Africa with your freshman history teacher's wife and her students without it being something more. Maybe I'm on crack.

As I posted on Public Indecency, I feel the strongest urge to wiggle my toes in some sand. Maybe I'll convince my father to drive me to Shilshole. Maybe this weekend I can see Zach. I feel like I need to hang out with a genie like him right now.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JAFAR.
Okay cool.
I'm going to shower and take a nap. I love you.

i think, appropriately...

Good times.
I love you girlie.

dear blink-182,

Got a lotta heartache, he's a fuckin' weasel! You're the ultimate teenage angst band.

Love,
Olivia

Today I got some awesome lotion and some awesome candles.
"Coconut lime verbena." Matches Preston's lotion, actually, which I didn't realize until after I got it. Not a bad thing; it smells spectacular.
I've spent most of today on my bed in the dark and it's been refreshing. Oh yeah, my mom woke me up at 10 to do yoga with her (:
Nice day.
It rained a lot.

Love.

is there anybody going to listen to my story?

charles darwin's garden july 2008

it's violent outside

No, really. The trees are about to fall over. It's windy.

So this weekend was a bit of a flop. It was fun while it lasted though.
Didn't get to see Zach and Miles, but hung out with Brit and Lilly and this kid Jason. That was lovely.
I can't wait until I move out.
I feel like shit right now, but better, considering.
My father was great this weekend.
I want to sleep forever, though. I want to hit myself in the forehead until my brains splish splash onto the keyboard. I want to continue watching Buffy and Labyrinth and I want to hang out with Reland. I made her a promise and I am going to keep it. If only she didn't have three projects to finish.
I finished series 1 of Doctor Who and I love it and I want moar nao!!11!1!!1! I want to hang out with someone wise and sage who tells me they'll fall in love with me if I give them a Starbucks gift card (even though that was just a dream) and I want people to chill the fuck out because really, life's too short to spend it being a bitch about shit. I'm not going to go off and do ecstasy. I'm not going to get shanked on 2nd Ave and Pine, Mom.
You know what I think?
I think I'm a little lonely. Although I cut things off with him, I kind of miss him. You know how that goes? Maybe you don't...I don't know. I miss talking to someone.
I'll steal my phone back soon enough, or my mother will forget, whichever comes first. Then I'll talk to people. I've been talking to Kay more lately, which is ironic, considering I'm not supposed to be on the phone. That's been relaxing. I miss her. She's got a boyfriend now; he seems good for her, even though that wasn't my initial opinion of him. He's Mormon...he's keeping her from doing bad things she would have otherwise, things she stopped listening to me about a long time ago.
I want to slap myself in the forehead because I forgot to turn in my Bolger take-home test that I spent forever working on. I had two things to turn in, and because of my stupid stupid disorganization I forgot. And now I'm going to get half credit. Which pisses me off because, really. I'm not that stupid.
What a long fucking trimester. I'm glad it's over. I'm starting over, better this time.

Trimester resolution:
Clean self up.

hellogoodbye

Hello Diet Hansen's Tangerine Lime soda. Hello sunshine. Hello vitamin D. Hello good moods. Hello father (tomorrow). Hello Tino. Hello Mom. Hello Cole. Hello Brit. Hello Bolger's homework. Hello extra credit chemistry paper. Hello Geraghty in-class essay. Hello juju project. Hello Seattle Center. Hello Nonny. Hello good juju. Hello B12 supplements. Hello Colleen. Hello Miles. Hello Zach. Hello stars. Hello college. Hello junior year. Hello South Africa. Hello Dr. Segall. Hello Folklife. Hello, everything. Hello, hello.

Goodbye Manquita! Goodbye Manca! (:D :D :D :D :D) Goodbye 2nd trimester. Goodbye, you. Goodbye bad juju. Goodbye circles under my eyes. Goodbye bad skin.

I have a lot more to say hello to than I do to say goodbye to.
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello.

she said, love it all love it all love it all.

It's been a long day, I haven't gotten any sleep, and I have a fever. Today was trying, although my Zion Prep girls today were lifting my spirits quite a bit. I'm having some trouble keeping things in perspective right now.
I have felt sufficiently shallower for the past couple of months and I think it's about time to turn that around. It's been easier to keep my spirits up for the past few days and I'm convinced it's the sunshine and huge amounts of vitamin D I've been intaking. Today while my mother was working I turned off the car, turned up Marty Robbins really loud and sat in the parking lot in the sunlight. It was refreshing. Then I hung out with Ileana, which was also quite nice. Some things mini-exploded today, but not nearly as much as I'd thought...this was good, because I don't think I could handle any dramatics at the moment.
Got my preregistration form for next year; I'm excited for my studies and Photography/Ceramics/3-D Design. Or something along those lines. I hope I don't go on exchange in second trimester.
I HAVE TO WRITE TWO ESSAYS TONIGHT.
Will post tomorrow.

Love.

out of uniform

Today, I am out of uniform.
I am wearing black skinny jeans with several massive holes in the knees and crotch. I could not find my skirt this morning, so I found "black dress pants."
I'm going to be skewered. By both authorities and students, probably.


P.S. I think it's essential for me to mention that I found my skirt when I got to school.
I didn't get in trouble.

dearest bob dylan

When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once
And scream it

And now I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand
It's not my problem

I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment
I could be you

Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is
To see you

and i've been lonely like a silhouette serenade

Dear Kay,
I miss you, girlie.

Love,
Olivia

P.S.

I think I have multiple personalities.

welcome to existence

Hello, Spring!

It snowed several inches last night in Greenwater and I skied for several hours today. It was so fucking weird, let me tell you, seeing the training courses set up and seeing my friends race down them, but not being able to go past the bannering. It felt like I was on the other side of a locked glass screen door.
But it was nice nonetheless. There is a girl named Sheridan who always smiles at me, but has never spoken to me. We're just friends with the same people. I hear things about her, but that doesn't matter to me. I smile back because she's beautiful.
I saw The Watchmen last night. There was a blue man who was very naked the entire time. Everytime I saw him, I went, "hahaha. Naked." In my head. The movie itself was pretty grody though. Lots of unnecessary blood and heads split open and boobs.
Also, I discovered that if I comb my hair whilst in the shower it curls a hell of a lot better.

So enough of my eensy weensy smidge of a life.
I'm cozy, on my bed with the heater on, buried under several of my favorite blankets, including Spiderman and planets and my grandfather's.
Going to Mark's and Ceci's for dinner tonight. It's so weird that they have their own house now. I remember when Mark hogged the bathroom, then sped into the kitchen and drank Pog out of the carton. Not to mention his never ending string of fart jokes. He doesn't talk about bodily functions around Ceci, though. He only starts when she goes to her parents' for Christmas and it's just us. Then he hogs the bathroom and drinks Pog out of the carton and laughs about farts. Then tells me to go get firewood.
Oh, the joys of being the baby sister.
Anyway. This should be fun. I'm sleepy...Green Day and last night's movie popcorn does that to you. (Dear Mykaila, I tried to save some for you, but I couldn't resist. The stale smell was too tempting.)
I was going to try to hang out with Alexa this weekend but that did not work out. Curses!

Okay okay okay.
Must sleep.
Love.

i fell in love with a boy on the street today

Was driving home from Reland's, free as a bird, dancing to Hank Williams, revving and rolling back and revving and rolling back, he looked over and smiled at me, made heart-hands, FO RIZZLE, and I smiled back and the light turned green and I drove.
The highlight of my entire week.

it's these substandard motels

On the corner of 4th and Fremont Street.Appealing, only cuz it's just that unappealing, any practiced Catholic would cross themselves upon entering.
The rooms have a hint of asbestos and maybe just a dash of formaldehyde...and a habit of decomposing right before your very eyes. Along with the people inside...what a wonderful caricature of intimacy.
Tonight's tenants range from a lawyer and a virgin, accessorizing with a rosary tucked inside her lingerie. She's getting a job at the firm come Monday (the missus will stay with the cheating attorney); moonlighting aside, she really needs this money, a wonderful caricature of intimacy.
Not to mention the constable and his proposition for that "virgin." Yes, the one the lawyer met with on "strictly business"...as he said to the missus. Only hours before, after he had left, she was fixing her face with a compact. There was a terrible crash. Between her and the badge, she spilled her purse and her bag, and held a "purse" of a different kind...
Along with the people inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy.
There are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses, it's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses at the shade of the sheets and before all the stains. And a few more of your least favorite things.

coco-mango

Incense. My mom just came in and went, "Olivia, stop burning shit, your dad won't be able to breathe." Then we laughed at her word choice and she said she didn't get her masters in English to adopt her teenage daughter's speaking habits. I love her.
I'm listening to My Chemical Romance. How I've missed them.
I was hungry yesterday and earlier today but my appetite disappeared again. I think there's something wrong. I dislike going to the doctor's office, a lot. They just tell me I'm sick and give me some medication that doesn't work.
So today I found out my father's most likely going to be gone for a trial in New Jersey for 10 weeks starting in June. All of my South Africa time, and some time into September? Wow. That'll definitely be...interesting. Moving right along.
Also, my mother and I just dissected the speeches I'm reporting on for English. Two of the three turned out to be horrendously translated and "white man interpretations." So I'm going to pick two others that are better. There's a Blackfeet speech! But it was by "Unnamed" so I can't tell if it's someone I'd know. It's about this unhappy marriage where the wife runs away to the Nez Perce and marries a trapper.
I should probably get on that. And then I have to call Christo because he and I haven't spoken in like owp8ru29o8ifj293839379201109383 years.
Last night, I had two interesting conversations with two very different boys; they pretty much told me the same thing. I love them.
I should probably start again.
FUCK YOU BLOGGER.
Gahslfijuwoi33ifjnslejknwwhycan'tyougetitiuppppwhycan'tyougetitupppOHAIMINDLESSELF INDULGENCE.
Today was long. I really enjoy ending the day in Act Out though, even if I don't contribute much quite yet. It'll happen. I already love everyone in it, although I've never spoken to a couple of them in my life.
ANYWAY
Bai.
♥

what a shit day

I'm going through some serious Green Day therapy.
It's like what Bolger said about Bruce Springsteen.
"Go back to Springsteen."
Whenever I'm having a shit time, I go back to Green Day. Brings back the best and worst in me...I don't know how they manage to bring back my rawest emotions with such full force. I've been debating for years whether it's the actual music or the feelings I've felt while listening to said music that bring them back.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

I love my friends. I love my mother.
Oh memories. Well Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day just came on. It's not by any means my favorite Green Day song, as I'm not a huge fan of American Idiot, but it reminds me of seventh grade when I listened to it most. This song especially reminds me of Fridays after swim team in the winter time. We'd be driving up highway 410 to get to Greenwater from Enumclaw, Kay, my mother, and I, and Kay and I would be getting ready for a weekend of whatever we did. We all sung together at the top of our lungs and open the windows and yell into the dark.
Thanks guys & girlies, I love you.

Quiero abrazar.
Hello English homework.

Dear Seattle Scarfman,

Dear Seattle Scarfman,
I see you about twice a month or so and every time I see you, my day is brightened.
I want to give you a hug the next time I see you. Please be around for the rest of my life. I ADMIRE YOUR TEVAS.
Perhaps I'll join you.
Perhaps I'll carry my own crate of scarves around with me wherever I go.
Perhaps I'll whip them out whenever I feel the urge to.
Perhaps I'll feel the urge to whip my scarves out when I see you. Then we can whip our scarves out and become a scarf-whipping powerhouse.
Perhaps, perhaps.
I'm inspired.

Oh Seattle Scarfman. You warm my heart.

Love,
Olivia

happy birthday dr. seuss!

Two things today.

1) I'm in a bit of a sticky position. I was getting three D's when I got my progress report this trimester. To put it simply, my father shit a brick. So I told him I'd get my grades up if he'd leave me alone. I did bring my grades up, then they slipped again, but I was confident that I would bring them right up again. So when my father asked how my grades were doing, I weaved a little web of lies that I can't keep up with now. He was confident I was getting C's instead of D's, then B's instead of C's, then I finally told him the truth the other night. He asked and I said that I am getting a C in chemistry, a C in geometry, and a C in English which in my family is unacceptable. The whole, "But I thought you were bringing your grades up?" conversation went down and I promised again that I would bring them up.
So now I must, fo rizzle, since the trimester ends in two weeks. I can do it, right?

2) Today's a beautiful day. Happy birthday Danielle Bader and Dr. Seuss. I always remembered Danielle's birthday because the first year that we knew each other, the elementary school we went to had a Dr. Seuss Day on her (their) birthday.
Whoaaaaa, second grade seems like yesterday. I'm almost a junior in high school, can you believe that? Next year I'll get my ring and next year I'll have a senior and next year I'll be able to drive hella and next year I'll be in Algebra 2 and next year I'll be in Sr. O'Dea's class and next year I will get my tattoo and next year I will have gone to South Africa and next year. NEXT YEAR.
Whoa.
Next year I'll be in Spanish 4 and next year I'll be taking Biology and next year I'll be turning seventeen and next year I'll own a bowtie and I will wear it to school every Monday. Hell, I'll own a bowtie this year. Next year I'll know how to cook more than chicken marsala and quesadillas. Next year the Schofields will be in college WTF MAYTE? Next year, with any luck, Mykaila and Morgan will be in Egypt, Turkey, Ghana, Indonesia, and Thailand and will have zillions of stories to tell when they get back SENIOR YEAR. Next year, this year's freshmen will be sophomores and will be going through the same thing I am now. Next year, we'll go to Kairos. Next year, Alexa will be driving that lovely yellow awesomemobile. Next year, my hair will be long.
Hokay. Excited.
Exactly three months yesterday until my birthday.
WHOA!
Sleepy. After tutor I must get home and sleep.


Love.