Choir festival was lovely. Nuff said.
Other news.
I wonder what it's like being so hateful all the time. Sorry guys.
I don't have a whole lot to say tonight. I'm glad I'm with the people I am now.
I love them.
I love lots of people. Even if they do think I'm pathetic and fake. Whatever. This girl called me a weird-ass today when Alexa and I were playing weenis rodeo. HAHAHAHA BEST GAME EVER. I don't know. I was talking to ex girlfriendiebutt tonight, I sort of came to some conclusions.
I'm excited to move. Can't make a countdown though.
Don't want to think about that.
Goodnight.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
en paz
Mmm. Choir festival today.
+/- 5 hour rehearsal yesterday.
Today, as I sit in the dark on my mother's bed, I have decided I'm going to strike up a conversation with someone I have either never met, or whom have met, or whom I'm close to, or used to be close to. I feel like I've been pretty antisocial lately.
Maybe it's just me.
Tell me if you agree?
I feel like I've been moaning and groaning but I realized that I'm pretty upbeat, if the girls I was sitting by yesterday were anything to go by. I don't have a lot to complain about.
So my father comes back today. I have to put my phone back in its hiding place. Remind me to do that before I go this morning.
I smell like Old Spice.
Hasta la noche, mis amores.
+/- 5 hour rehearsal yesterday.
Today, as I sit in the dark on my mother's bed, I have decided I'm going to strike up a conversation with someone I have either never met, or whom have met, or whom I'm close to, or used to be close to. I feel like I've been pretty antisocial lately.
Maybe it's just me.
Tell me if you agree?
I feel like I've been moaning and groaning but I realized that I'm pretty upbeat, if the girls I was sitting by yesterday were anything to go by. I don't have a lot to complain about.
So my father comes back today. I have to put my phone back in its hiding place. Remind me to do that before I go this morning.
I smell like Old Spice.
Hasta la noche, mis amores.
Friday, February 6, 2009
breaking up my band won't give you payment
Frustrated. There's always this underlying feeling of frustration lately.
Had a blow up with Reland last night; resolved it an hour and a half of tears and begging (on both parts) later. I love her, so so much. There's gotta be a reason why she and I have stayed friends for 13 years.
Another frustration is the Mormon boy. He's ruining things between her and I. It's a pity because he's such a nice boy and he really does mean well. She's blinded; I used to be that little voice of reason..."maybe you don't want to do this because x, y, and z." "well, it's your life. but be careful. I don't want you to get hurt." She doesn't listen to me. Instead of doing bad things, she's quitting everything, which, don't get me wrong, is great. She's just abandoning me, not purposefully, but it's happening all the same. I try to tell her and she doesn't listen.
Boo. It's happened before, it's happening now, it'll happen again. We'll work through it.
On another note, my father gets home on Sunday. Which means we're getting closer to leaving.
I woke up this morning with a terrible pain at the edge of my left eye. It looks like excema but I doubt I have that, it doesn't itch. It feels like something cut me. Ouch.
The whole reason for me posting right now was lost; I was doing geometry homework and I couldn't figure out a problem about proportions and stuff and I got distracted.
I'm excited for tonight. But not really. Again, the Mormon boy. And she signed me up for something I am absolutely not comfortable doing...doesn't understand why I don't want to. Just because she has doesn't mean that I would go ahead and do it. We're not brain twins in that sense.
Unnecessary.
Other than that, things are great.
I'm going to Enumclaw tonight, call or text me, it would mean a lot.
Love.
Had a blow up with Reland last night; resolved it an hour and a half of tears and begging (on both parts) later. I love her, so so much. There's gotta be a reason why she and I have stayed friends for 13 years.
Another frustration is the Mormon boy. He's ruining things between her and I. It's a pity because he's such a nice boy and he really does mean well. She's blinded; I used to be that little voice of reason..."maybe you don't want to do this because x, y, and z." "well, it's your life. but be careful. I don't want you to get hurt." She doesn't listen to me. Instead of doing bad things, she's quitting everything, which, don't get me wrong, is great. She's just abandoning me, not purposefully, but it's happening all the same. I try to tell her and she doesn't listen.
Boo. It's happened before, it's happening now, it'll happen again. We'll work through it.
On another note, my father gets home on Sunday. Which means we're getting closer to leaving.
I woke up this morning with a terrible pain at the edge of my left eye. It looks like excema but I doubt I have that, it doesn't itch. It feels like something cut me. Ouch.
The whole reason for me posting right now was lost; I was doing geometry homework and I couldn't figure out a problem about proportions and stuff and I got distracted.
I'm excited for tonight. But not really. Again, the Mormon boy. And she signed me up for something I am absolutely not comfortable doing...doesn't understand why I don't want to. Just because she has doesn't mean that I would go ahead and do it. We're not brain twins in that sense.
Unnecessary.
Other than that, things are great.
I'm going to Enumclaw tonight, call or text me, it would mean a lot.
Love.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I WANT A WALRUS
OH MY GOD, WALRUS WALRUS WALRUS WALRUS WALRUS!!!
WALRUS WALRUS WALRUS WALRUS
To be continued.
WALRUS WALRUS WALRUS WALRUS
To be continued.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
to-do
School:
To be honest, I'm looking forward to getting out of geometry (although I'm actually beginning to like geometry) and going to choir for two hours or however long we're rehearsing.
Voy a comprar comida o algo antes de iendo a choir. No come mucho.
Love.
- Study for Chemistry test
- Spanish: cuaderno, p. 99, 100, 101, 102
- English: p. 606-614, questions on 615
- Geometry: p. 385, #1-3, 10-12, 17, 18, 25, 26
- Re-trace dance company cover art (glass table +flashlight)
- Write:
Forest Ridge Dance Company
2009
February 27 & 28 at 7 pm
- memorize choir music
- Talk to parental units regarding Friday with Kay etc
- Find Snow White
- Watch Pineapple Express
- Learn to sight read better
To be honest, I'm looking forward to getting out of geometry (although I'm actually beginning to like geometry) and going to choir for two hours or however long we're rehearsing.
Voy a comprar comida o algo antes de iendo a choir. No come mucho.
Love.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
waiting
The song Waiting by Green Day describes what I want to feel right now.
I've been waiting a long time for this moment to come. I'm destined for anything...at all. Downtown lights will be shining on me like a new diamond. Ring out under the midnight hour. No one can touch me now and I can't turn my back; It's too late, ready or not at all. I'm so much closer than I have ever known...Wake up.
Dawning of a new era, calling...don't let it catch you falling. Ready or not at all. So close enough to taste it; almost...I can embrace this feeling on the tip of my tongue.
Not how I feel, mind you, but how I want to feel.
I'm a tad conflicted at the moment, but I feel alright. I don't feel like being cryptic right now. I'm unsubtle by nature, it takes enough effort to not blurt out how I'm feeling all the time without making it sound good. Honestly, here is how I feel. Honestly, I feel unwanted by pretty much everyone but a select few people; those people are the ones I am helping, the ones who give me purpose, the ones who I feel might depend on me sometimes. Honestly, I know that's not good, but the feeling comes and goes so I'm not too concerned. Honestly, I feel that other than my parents' situation, my housing arrangement limbo, my inadequacy feelings, and bad grades, things are all right. Honestly, disregarding all of that, things are perfect. Honestly, I have several best friends who love me and whom I love dearly. Honestly, half the time I feel I don't have a life and I resort to pot to make me feel better. Honestly, I sound like a pathetic deadbeat. Honestly, the other half of the time I feel absolutely perfect. Honestly, I feel my resentment towards my father takes up too much energy, but honestly it has gone on for so long that I don't know how to fix it. Honestly, I feel that the soundtrack I have recently picked out for my life is cliche and corny, but fitting. Honestly, I think I'm waiting for something exciting to happen. Honestly, something exciting did happen but was a tad too good to be true; when I started getting the hint that it might happen again I realized I didn't want it and neither did he. Honestly, I'm fine with spending my nights in the bright yellow van. Honestly, what matters to me is happiness. Honestly, I am still balancing out my happiness with that of others. Honestly, I'm trying to come to terms that I cannot fix everything. Honestly, I think I could stop talking to him now and wouldn't notice the difference. But honestly, if I said that, he would run his car into a tree. Honestly, I can't love other people if I don't love myself. Honestly, I do love myself. Honestly, I do try to love everybody, but honestly, it's really hard when they do not want to be loved. Honestly, that's not an excuse to not love them. Honestly, I'm going to love them anyways. Honestly, I suppose I don't miss the people I recently lost touch with, but honestly I miss the good times we had. Honestly, I think it's just bad luck. Honestly, I have slept four hours in the past 120 hours, and honestly I blame him. Honestly, I don't want this blog to be angsty, but honestly I think I voice how I'm feeling better here. Honestly, I'm not going to delve into the details of my parents' seperation on here, however much I feel like it. Honestly, I feel like I don't really have anyone to talk to about that. But honestly, when I was typing that, I thought of four people who have told me that they are, or have gone, through the same thing and are here for me. Honestly, I want to kiss those people right now. Honestly, I love them. Honestly, I love the people who have treated me like shit for the past few months, and I don't honestly know why. Honestly, I swear I have been absolutely honest.
I've got some stuff whirling around my head. So technically only half the time I'm conflicted; I feel like a cow. Not in a shitty-self-esteem sort of way, in the half-black-half-white sort of way. Maybe a zebra analogy might be better. Black with white stripes or white with black stripes? Half the time I'm great, half the time I feel like shit.
And now what do I do about it?
I suppose I'll have to think some more about that.
I think I'll have to get back to you on that.
I've been waiting a long time for this moment to come. I'm destined for anything...at all. Downtown lights will be shining on me like a new diamond. Ring out under the midnight hour. No one can touch me now and I can't turn my back; It's too late, ready or not at all. I'm so much closer than I have ever known...Wake up.
Dawning of a new era, calling...don't let it catch you falling. Ready or not at all. So close enough to taste it; almost...I can embrace this feeling on the tip of my tongue.
Not how I feel, mind you, but how I want to feel.
I'm a tad conflicted at the moment, but I feel alright. I don't feel like being cryptic right now. I'm unsubtle by nature, it takes enough effort to not blurt out how I'm feeling all the time without making it sound good. Honestly, here is how I feel. Honestly, I feel unwanted by pretty much everyone but a select few people; those people are the ones I am helping, the ones who give me purpose, the ones who I feel might depend on me sometimes. Honestly, I know that's not good, but the feeling comes and goes so I'm not too concerned. Honestly, I feel that other than my parents' situation, my housing arrangement limbo, my inadequacy feelings, and bad grades, things are all right. Honestly, disregarding all of that, things are perfect. Honestly, I have several best friends who love me and whom I love dearly. Honestly, half the time I feel I don't have a life and I resort to pot to make me feel better. Honestly, I sound like a pathetic deadbeat. Honestly, the other half of the time I feel absolutely perfect. Honestly, I feel my resentment towards my father takes up too much energy, but honestly it has gone on for so long that I don't know how to fix it. Honestly, I feel that the soundtrack I have recently picked out for my life is cliche and corny, but fitting. Honestly, I think I'm waiting for something exciting to happen. Honestly, something exciting did happen but was a tad too good to be true; when I started getting the hint that it might happen again I realized I didn't want it and neither did he. Honestly, I'm fine with spending my nights in the bright yellow van. Honestly, what matters to me is happiness. Honestly, I am still balancing out my happiness with that of others. Honestly, I'm trying to come to terms that I cannot fix everything. Honestly, I think I could stop talking to him now and wouldn't notice the difference. But honestly, if I said that, he would run his car into a tree. Honestly, I can't love other people if I don't love myself. Honestly, I do love myself. Honestly, I do try to love everybody, but honestly, it's really hard when they do not want to be loved. Honestly, that's not an excuse to not love them. Honestly, I'm going to love them anyways. Honestly, I suppose I don't miss the people I recently lost touch with, but honestly I miss the good times we had. Honestly, I think it's just bad luck. Honestly, I have slept four hours in the past 120 hours, and honestly I blame him. Honestly, I don't want this blog to be angsty, but honestly I think I voice how I'm feeling better here. Honestly, I'm not going to delve into the details of my parents' seperation on here, however much I feel like it. Honestly, I feel like I don't really have anyone to talk to about that. But honestly, when I was typing that, I thought of four people who have told me that they are, or have gone, through the same thing and are here for me. Honestly, I want to kiss those people right now. Honestly, I love them. Honestly, I love the people who have treated me like shit for the past few months, and I don't honestly know why. Honestly, I swear I have been absolutely honest.
I've got some stuff whirling around my head. So technically only half the time I'm conflicted; I feel like a cow. Not in a shitty-self-esteem sort of way, in the half-black-half-white sort of way. Maybe a zebra analogy might be better. Black with white stripes or white with black stripes? Half the time I'm great, half the time I feel like shit.
And now what do I do about it?
I suppose I'll have to think some more about that.
I think I'll have to get back to you on that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
