if you listen to your heart the whole night through...

Thank you Olivia for not being a fuckyheaded doinkers. I am a talented young woman and I love myself.
Thank you everyone for putting up with me, for loving me, for hugging me, for kissing me.
I love you, all of you. Everyone who's ever listened to me or talked to me or made me giggle or made me smile or made my day or told me they love me or told me to get over myself, no matter what our relationship is now. I loved you during our relationship and there will always be a place in my heart for you. I told you I'll always love you, I meant it.

To sum up my feelings:
(:

Dear ;

The sun has left and forgotten me
It's dark, I cannot see
Why does this rain pour down
I'm gonna drown
In a sea
Of deep confusion

Somebody told me, I don't know who
Whenever you are sad and blue
And you're feelin' all alone and left behind
Just take a look inside and you will find

You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
Hang on, things will be all right
Even when it's dark
And not a bit of sparkling
Sing-song sunshine from above
Spreading rays of sunny love

Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you'll be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Something's coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead

And so I hold on to his advice
When change is hard and not so nice
You listen to your heart the whole night through
Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you




Love,
\

i love you.

mykaila (9:52:14 PM): (:

mykaila (9:52:39 PM): well chipperness/spasicity is good to lose if you have friends that make you HAPPY

mykaila (9:52:45 PM): so that is the question to ask yourself

olivia (9:53:01 PM): i do have friends that make me HAPPY (:

olivia (9:53:30 PM): the problem is balancing my self-reliance and how i rely on my friends to make me happy

mykaila (9:54:00 PM): That is true

mykaila (9:54:03 PM): it's a difficult one

olivia (9:54:12 PM): yeah

olivia (9:54:17 PM): but nothing i can't handle

mykaila (9:54:30 PM): perhaps

mykaila (9:54:43 PM): friends that encourage and nurture your happiness as opposed to making you happy

olivia (9:54:49 PM): yeah

olivia (9:55:06 PM): i cannot and do not expect my friends to lift me up when i'm down all the time, every single time i have a problem

olivia (9:55:09 PM): i wouldn't put that on them

olivia (9:55:13 PM): i don't want them to solve my problems

olivia (9:55:39 PM): but who are in general good people who encourage and do good things that in turn make people happy

you don't love me, you don't care.

Leg cramps fuzzy sheep Daft Punk Sarah Grove's boobs ex-boyfriends OH MY GOD, WHY WOULD I WANT TO KNOW THAT? "cum"?!?!?! I'M NOT EVEN FUCKING GOING OUT WITH YOU, GTFO taking Katie Mac to Winterball! need to go dress shopping Spiderman blanket "Why are you wearing a tiny top hat?" he's yelling at her again yin-yang? haha fuck this shit. close up camera one the hero sings in this scene FREE HUGS give me a break so fucking passive aggressive suck my big black dick wow VULGAR "did you not tell him they were the Lord's chips?" I wonder what to do with myself no one's interested no one's interesting I feel used I feel great I feel rejuvenated I feel confused I feel behind I feel belligerent I am exhausted I am sick of her I am sick of him hey, did you get some? man, that is so dumb. My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so won't you kill me, so I die happy I know what I have to do but I'm having issues following through WOW IMPLOSION.
All these fucking voices in my head.


I know who I am, but I have no identity. Completely contradicts itself. It's occured to me a few times since Mykaila mentioned something about my having a sense of identity nestled in the impressions people have of me, which generally seems the same, which I am fine with. But...I have a new impression I made on myself when I grew a backbone quite a few months ago. I feel the same, I have my whole life. Perhaps I'm not as chipper nor as spastic as I have been, but that's only due to some cynicism induced by some people and shit but wjlkfmwe;flkw whatever.
I lost my train of thought.
Fucking pity, I was going to go on another rant.
Implosion complete




I'm better now.

good couple of days.

Two days ago, Reland came over. I love that girl. We watched The Women (there is not a single man cast in that movie), the Little Mermaid, and the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Oh man. We danced a lot.
Yesterday Alexa came over. I donned my corn suit, she donned her tiny top hat and we scuttled up to Blockbuster and rented Animal House, Tekkunkeirkiemfekreet (help?), Heartbreakers, and Jackass 2. Watched all but Heartbreakers, substituted in Rocky Horror.
We danced a lot.
Photos on PI.
Today Reland came over again, a couple hours after Alexa left. Watched Rocky Horror a third time. Danced a lot.

Right now a guy is telling me about his reproductive organs. I don't quite know how to respond.
I'm wearing bright orange tube socks...I used them for soccer socks once. It was a rainy practice and we mud wrestled, so my socks got quite shabby. They still look dirty and gross but they're not, I swear. I wash them frequently.
The Christmas lights above my bed/around the Wall are hypnotizing, sober and otherwise.
Reland brushed my hair today...it's all poofy now.
I'm tired. Going to call Kay, then go to sleep. Nothing deep or insightful to say today.

I love you!

forgive

me. i'm a dingus.


what a woman


see if you can guess any of these places?









two of them are in north/central america, the rest are in the mediterranean/surrounding areas




...lolwut?
gnight

happy january

I've been listening to this for the past hour.

It kills me every time. No joke, made my day so, so much better.

Conversations with my bathroom mirror are never the same as when you're standing here.
I'm chicken shit out in the brave frontier, that teenage wasteland.


I love you.